Dear Naela, I Know It's Tiring, But...


Yogyakarta, July 9th, 2019

Dear Naela,

I'm writing this from the hospital's computer since tonight I'm on a night shift. You know how it gets when you're on a shift, right, luckily in the hospital I'm currently working in, we're allowed not to wear scrubs daily, but it's absolute to wear the white coat. It's kind of hot when you have to wear the coat in temperature like this, even hotter when you're working under pressure and when you haven't eaten proper food all day; but I guess that's a part of the stories we'll tell in the future; How We Survived Medical School.

You know what makes me sad right now? The fact that it's so hard for us to meet each other. The fact that you're away in East Java and I'm still in Yogyakarta, working/studying different shifts in different hospitals; I can't even quite remember the last time we're on the phone. You often asked me on Twitter DM about me having to take my medication or not, the replies I got mostly for my annoying tweets from you and Inov are highlights of my days. It's crazy what time and space can do to a person, I remember it was so easy for us to go out and eat, watch movies, or went window shopping together with no worries in the world. We were young, and even though depressed, we were in the comfort of each other's company.

I want to tell you a story about my patient in the internal medicine ward bed number 2. Sometime last month, a 70-year old man was admitted with abdominal pain with leukocytosis. The thorax roentgen showed cardiomegaly. On my night shift, his heart rate spiked to 200x/minute and the ECG showed ventricular tachycardia. My heart broke because he was in a regular ward, not in the ICU, so I thought maybe the management wouldn't be as quick and as complete if we were in the ICU. I consulted the cardiologist right away via WhatsApp and the doctor instructed me the steps to control the VT. The nurse and I administered Amiodarone 150mg in D5% 10cc bolus >10 minutes. And pay careful attention to the ECG, blood pressure and heart rate. Alhamdulillah the patient responded well to the medication. The patient then transferred to the ICU. You know the relief you feel in your chest when a life is saved? Masha'Allah TabarakAllah, I was so happy I cried.

Every now and then when I feel like my life is going down the hill, I try to think about that one patient. The relief, the joy, the happiness he brought into my heart during the dark night after his VT was controlled. I think this is among the few reasons why I still try to survive medical school, you know. Saving lives, really. My life is constructed of me repeatedly reminding myself to behave, to stay sabr, to be ikhlas in doing the things I do even though mostly I'm not treated right by some people; but I think all doctors have been treated that way. We've all been treated unjustly; be it from another person or by the system we're in. But that's what it is; I'll change it one day if Allah willing. I will change the unnecessary difficulties and the unjust system; insha'Allah, aamiin.

In the end, Dear Naela, I know it's tiring, but... we're already in it too deep, aren't we? I suppose we just have to finish what we started, and maybe, hopefully, along the way, we'll find the calling fulfilling, that we may be useful to others in need and insha'Allah in doing so Allah will lead us to a happier path, a better future. Insha'Allah, aamiin.

Love,
Zhifa


2 Comments

  1. Kak Zhiefa, aku balik ke sini lagi hehe... selalu nangis kalau baca post kakak ini (this one is my fav tho), tapi setiap ngerasa stress selalu balik kesini, biar bisa nangis... maybe its true ya kakak, crying doesnt solve anything, but at least we feel relieved :) semoga kak zhiefa sehat selalu! keep writing another wonderful post ya kak��

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  2. Ini Winny yaa? makasih sayang sudah baca blog ini <3
    Semangat selalu yaaa, I'm praying for your health and happiness! <3

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