Privilege and What Not



My insomnia has been really bad this week and it has reduced my productivity both at home and at work. Anyway, tonight though, I planned to do better with my insomnia and write something that has been bothering my mind for, quite frankly, a long time.

Okay, where do I start? The start of my journey of studying medicine was 2014, I made up my mind of my future career choice in January when my late Grandpa was hospitalized. During my high school years, I have been inconsistent in choosing what I really wanted to do. For example, I love biology, but I joined the Computer Olympiad extracurricular. High school was about me joining all things, from student council, English debate team, marching band, this committee, that committee. So when my parents asked me about what major I'd like to take in the Uni, I told them; Law. I know, so out of blue, right? They told me no for that particular choice with fear that I'd not be just. I then took some time thinking and told them I wanted to take International Relations; that was the end of 2013, and they agreed. One morning when visiting my Grandpa in the hospital, my Grandma whispered in my ear that I should pursue a career in medicine; my long lost ambition resurfaced. The thing is, all my childhood years were filled with "I wanna be a medical doctor when I grow up" even though sometimes I said maybe a stewardess, or a scientist working in CERN (this was junior high), or an ambassador for the UK. I thought about it (pursuing a career in medicine) a lot afterward. I hadn't mustered enough courage to tell my parents then, because I was afraid that they wouldn't have enough money to support my study. I mean, studying medicine requires one's to pay A LOT of money. And having my Grandpa sick and other things going on in the family then, no day seems like a good day to tell them. 

So, I looked for other alternatives. I looked for some scholarships online, asked my friends about it, asked my seniors who already took the scholarships about it. I prepared some necessary documents for scholarships that I could take, like the Russian government one (in the end, my father wouldn't sign his consent and agreement of sending me to study in Russia, so I ended up not sending the admission requirements), the Turkiye bürlsari (I was about to book train ticket to attend the interview in Jakarta, but my father called and told me to stay put because Turkey is far away and he didn't want to let me live alone in a faraway country) and applied for some universities in Indonesia. I applied to Trisakti, got accepted to its faculty of Medicine (general medicine/MD programme) and Regional and Urban Planning. Trisakti was so expensive though, I had to pay the initial tuition for almost 400 million rupiahs, THAT IS A LOT. I then told my parents about my inner battle and had a serious talk with my father on my way to school. My dad is a very realistic person, he gave me a choice. He told me, my mother and he can support my wish to be a medical doctor but first I need to find the university with less admission fee than Trisakti. He also told me to have a backup plan in case I did not get in medicine because taking a gap year is not an option. I tried UMY, but I only got in my 2nd preference; International Relation (IPIREL); I cried in the taxi. That was when I realized I only wanna study and do one thing; medicine. We then tried SNMPTN, SBMPTN. I did not get in. I then tried UII, but when I was about to sign up for the written test, we got the news that my Grandpa passed away, innalilahiwainnailaihirojiun. The test was hell for me because I couldn't concentrate, I was sad, angry and, I couldn't think --plus, I was seated in front of an aircon and it only exacerbated my flu. I then went home to Ambon and decided to try again for UII the same way I sign up for Trisakti: the academic achievement admission. Thank Allah I involved myself in a lot of things during high school, got good grades, and was able to maintain my GPA, I got in the first phase of UII Faculty of Medicine test. I managed to get through the second phase and alhamdulillah secured my self a seat in FK UII batch 2014.

Now my main concern is HOW to continue study after I got my medical doctor degree. Since I don't want to repeat my mistake like the last time when I made a life-changing decision in the last minutes. I have decided I want to take residency and pursue a master degree (abroad, inshaAllah). I have made the SWOT analysis and the problemo seems to be similar to the last one. The stakeholder in this one is different, though. Still, the main obstacle is financial issues; because I should not ask my parents anymore, and since I will be working by the time I apply for residency and master degree (whichever comes first), I will have to support myself. Even though both are time sensitive (all things in life are, actually) I always feel like I'm in rush to get everything fulfilled. But making money takes time and I have to do things in order one by one, like excelling in clinical clerkship first, ace UKMPPD and OSCE Nasional, do an internship, work and then, residency and a master degree. As of now, I have started saving and praying, hope for the best, for instance like I pray I will be accepted as an awardee of some scholarships and dig information about possible scholarships offer I'm qualified for. I reallllllyyyy wanna do residency and master degree. I hope those two are the best for me and I have been destined to do them in my life inshaAllah, aamiinnn. 

Full disclosure; given the fact that my parents have been supporting all my needs with all the best things they could provide for me with throughout my years living, having their background as not a part of the medical personnel, and our economic condition that is differ from my friends' (thank God I'm an only child, if my parents have three kids, I don't even think I could possibly study medicine), I still think that I'm privileged. I have enough pocket money every month, my parents provide me with transportation vehicle, and other necessities to keep my life going well. Alhamdulillah for my parents. I just hope I will have the time to make them happier soon! I hope I will not be burdening them with my financial needs anymore by the year 2020. I pray I will be able to provide the best for them soon! inshaAllah aaamiinn.

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